9/2/16

Missed a day again! aaargh!!

Emotions

1 – You
I want to know you
from the top of your head to the soul of your feet
everything there is to know about you
I want to know
the stuff I do not yet know
or do not want the world to know
I want to show you that
I want to know, willing to listen to every word
you are willing to show
show me how to know you
What is the way?
what must I do to be born again as you?
knowing everything you do
and sharing it with you
Together, looking at all of it
till we find it
The gem!
That hidden spark
The buried light
on a hill
shining so bright
it drew me to you in the first place
till it consumed me
I want you to see what I see
for your words don’t match my reality
you shine as bright as a star
yet you are covered in darkness
something I don’t know
I still see you yet I do not know
what occurs when you think to yourself
what thoughts do you keep?
how do you keep them so well hidden that I cannot see
I want to penetrate deep into the recesses of your mind
and see the world the way you do
so that I will know
I want to know what I don’t know about you
I want to know you
I want to know everything there is to know about you
and the only way I will know is if you tell me
better yet if you show me
Teach me
Teach me who you are

2 – emotions
these feelings, surrounding
holding, blood coursing through all veins
filling the extremities
surrounded by unending stimuli
stimuli stimuli stimuli
scream you like
scream all you like
no one will hear you
except the old man listening
watching, waiting
hanging solemnly
you’ll soon come to me
asking questions
questioning those questions
these feelings you have
try, try, oh try and put them in words
clearly describing exactly what it is you are feeling
you try and try and try
the words never come
all you hear is phrases
what sounds like words
and you try some more
that sounds like this and this sounds like that
jibber jabber tit tat
who says words like that
in fact who says words should rhyme on time
with mics that stand for life
time warrants we speed up the process
but why? why oh why I ask
so much I sound like a child
who is sad not glad or mad that the world turns
without my say so, constantly changing
at the speed of thought
freaking me out
I loved it when everything was the same
back then I was safe
this constantly spinning table can’t hold me
much longer

3 – Antoine Fuqua
raw, scratched, uncut
exactly what I was for four
years, yes, and then for four more
turns of the moon in june I swooned
from the elixir of your scent
spoiled sweet mixed poison
of my, my mind infected by your stench
still lingering on my breath
sleep erasing all attempts
to wash away all of you
you return daily never leaving
always reminding me that you are there
even when I forget
hey hey hey you say
wake up and smell the coffee
it’s hot and wonderful
bright enough to make your day
forget sleep, come, you say
let’s play for one more bit
I promise to pay you more
than what you once were
free, here’s something for you to keep
something small for you to eat
till you return again
we can say tomorrow to play
sleep needs or knows you not
she just wants you to do nothing
how boring? it’s not like you need her
you only do when you spend time with her
spend your mind with me instead
we can be free you said
if we just played instead
instead of dreaming
head in the clouds
scheming, feigning fiendishly
for another hit of ecstasy
this wonderful fantastic feeling

4 – The Darkness
unleash the dragon
the dark one
the dark force of he whose name we do not mention
convinced he is me must be
let him out of this cage
no one tames a lion for long
or lions or tigers or bears
let the beast free
scream it loud from mountain or tree
king kong ain’t got
king kong ain’t got
king kong ain’t got shidonme
king kong ain’t strong enough to step to me
my identity
too big to falter me for being free
in a jungle too humble to be mentioned
leave this world for another dimension
returning with the words of God
I am the messiah
see fire, see I, see higher
breathe in life and see right
abandon the old ways for the unseen
unknown, untold stories of old
who created all thoughts as they swim
from one end to the other
never coming or going but returning
over and over and over and over and over
till my mind ignores every word you spoke
I no longer hear you
you can scream and shout
as loud as you want
no one will ever hear you
I will keep you buried in a hole so far
the very thought of uncovering you
will stop me

5 – Violent Dominator
decisions decisions
these deep incisions you cut across my skin
I can’t decide which I like better
the pain the hurt it burns like joy
splendidly filling my pregnant eyes
with tears for 9 months to be brought forth
in sheer unbridled joyous pain
screaming “Oh what a wonderful world!!!”
to the tune of Louis Armstrong
we are dancing again
never to stop no matter the state of our feet
for if we dare to be anything other than this
no more bliss, is the fee we must pay for it
give us us free
we must be free
marked up and carved up from every corner
of our hearts to no longer stand with pride about who we are
yearning, tearing, rendering every shred of dignity left
to cry out aloud
hear and see, no confusion
raw, pure, emotional
naked, bowed, bruised, broken,
bended
yet still desirable
something adored by another
loved by more than a mother
one with no obligation but to love you
for no other reason than that you are amazing
glorious, angelic, divine
made in the likeness
of God

6 – Enemy
trembling, tumbling
thundering in the distance,
the sound of war approaching
sneaking up before awareness
consciousness expanding beyond the previous view
open to the landscapes once known
now a terror filled zone
fields of green promising blood and gore
destruction of nature by its very own
tightening, squeezing all air out
no oxygen
gasping for breath
stuck in the side
gashed by a spear
rolling around
grasping
pulling
pushing
fighting
a sound in the distance
hope!
a moment of joy,
respite
the sound of silence
comfortly haunting
no birds
                                     
EXPLOSION!!!
a loud explosion
growing, enlarging,
engorging, engulfing
flooded
consuming everything in sight
in one fell swoop
a foul stench of death is all that remains
relief falls on all swords as they cry with joy
soldiers undefeated in battle leave to tell the tale

7. I feel
I feel like we should like start to talk
I feel like talking is like too much
I feel like we should walk
I feel like walking is too slow
I feel like we should move faster
I feel like we should like stop
I feel like we should talk
I feel like you don’t like the way I feel like
I feel like you are a jerk
I feel like jerk chicken tastes amazing
I feel like morris chestnut
in a crowded movie theater with swooning ladies
watching my own movie
I feel like conceitedness is the way to go
I feel like being humble just to see if that will give me control over everyone
I feel like the best
I feel like distress
I feel like I’m stressed
I feel like in my defense I’m still the best
I feel like posting something on the web, something dope on the internet
I feel like talking to my best friend
I feel like one day I could be the president, of the whole earth, or the universe
I feel like this dude is different from the rest because I like him
I feel like he must be the best, just look at his chest, always breathing
I feel like I must be the best, you know, I just have to
I feel like the universe
I feel like God himself, must feel, when he created the universe

8 – Intellectual Wizard
flushed with blood from the top of the head
to the grounded earth unbent
straight back and shoulders laced packed
frozen in place
every detail frozen in spaces between the mind
ridges, embedded,
deeply
never to be forgotten by anyone from far or near
the scent of the air as birds cease to fly
goodbye slow motion notions of potions of devotion to the ocean
radios crackle with the same excitement of the announcement
for one and all to hear
this business is your business
come near
come cheer
come one, come all
let us all gather to witness the fall
the fall of the great goliath giant behemoth
on who we stood for years to witness the future
cheer with us
share with us this moment that we all have feared
but alas is here and we have been waiting to see this
moment for more years than we care to admit
even to our seed planted to feed our desires
to fly higher and farther than any who dreamed or dared
even when we were scared we shared with dread and doom
the sound of death playing in our eyes
“swallow me whole I beg,
please, I pray, consume me now so I can never be seen again”

9 – Regret
to live a life of regret or no fear
choices to make every time
every time a choice is right
war must be fought
to free all slaves from themselves
let us hate someone else
if I die on the earth does my soul go to a planet
or descent even deeper than the depths of hell
or is that the way life is to be spent
living day to day for rent for what you say or pay
or let us play, let us pray for days on end till we are spent
asking forgiveness for the break of day
who are we, who are we to say
what place or what role to play
opportunity running through fingers
as sand filters through the cracks in the hourglass of time
focus on the hour hand as it slowly moves inside
while the seconds pass you by
too fast to see  that in slow motion
everything can happen with no motion
spontaneously quantum leaping from your mind
to the stage of life’s rhythm and rhyme
reality is bendable
a realization
an awakening
awakening to the dread you once feared
to find you need more information
you only have questions
no answers, no wisdom, no strength to share
in front of peers
My greatest fear
finding out I did this to myself

10 – Truth or Dare
I dare you, to spend a day in my shoes and tell me you still love me
after you find out things I’ve been hiding from you like exactly how I feel
or stink, 
or how many times I’ve killed
innocent bystanders just for looking like me
truthfully would you stick around or scream
and yell in my eyes “you stink”
a product of a broken sewer system unleashed on public streets
epidemic
spreading viral thoughts to all who come across
unwilling to bend
my friend, would you love me then? unconditionally?
after finding out who I really am
is a despicable fiendish child of God banished from heaven for eternal sins
including the ones you commit?
or will you cry to my father for my forgiveness?
would you end my suffering
laughing in my face saying I deserve exactly what I give
how would you feel,
to inflict pain
suffering
and LOVE it

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