Mad Samurai ii

why oh why do you keep looking at me I can hear everything you are saying about me I can hear your heartbeat it seems I am your favorite topic of discussion all you have to say is what I have done wrong is there a point where I do right why can’t I just get it right just once one time one moment one right decision on my part I do not understand I try and try and try some more it is never good enough it is simply never good it always ends in tragedy disastrous disastrous tragedy maybe I should just go away disappear vanish from existence as we know it cease to exist in a world I ruin  for a very long time cause you no more pain if I was not around would you still talk about me would you miss me would I still be your favorite topic of discussion would I still feel judged would you even notice would there be a void or a missing feeling where I once was or would you replace me with another object of your unhappiness afraid to leave the house or sit in darkness alone I must love pain I must love pain I must love pain you inflict with words I keep coming back returning revolving I keep wanting more I miss you when you are gone you never have anything good to say yet I keep coming back turning around the moment you pass I keep thinking maybe this time will be different I am afraid of you yet I keep facing my fears and running to you or is it that I love the torture do I find joy in this pain while the entire time I’m with you I keep thinking of running from you running far far far away into an oblivious existence how far can I run away before I no longer feel insane trapped in this rollercoaster love cycle pain trapped in this wheel this way insane the brain in its infinite wisdom cannot save me from being this way I’m a slave trapped in the brain of pain conditioned paralyzed too lame to get up and walk away

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