irate professional final

daddy, it has been a while,
you have not talked to me or come to see me, in soooo long,
I miss your touch, sound of your voice, too much for me to take,
I must run, must keep my head about me in this boring town of nothing,
don’t kiss me, stop kissing me, this loser feeling out of control,
dirty tongue slipping, spit streaming, disgusting thinking,
beyond control, beyond mind, trying to control, me, not letting go,
holding on too strong, coming on too long,
needing space, getting attached too quick, mad afraid,
this is all he craves, how can I escape?
if I make it past today, never again, never explain,
completely confused, I know his entire domain,
this mental game, unholy crusade,
too much on the first try, too aggressive, all cards shown,
what about the next night?
not knowing when to fold, no idea when to hold,
calculated his way into this orchestrated design,
not reading signs revealed in eyes,
multiplicative strategy hidden inside,
unable to read between lines,
of bodies, feet or hands,
additive trance unwilling to subtract,
chemical sparks fly, in playing the part
the seductive depart, slowly baiting the catch,
setting fire to hearts, displacing the mind,
for inside the body, desire resides,
no resistance, too exhausted, no commitment,
too much at once, overwhelmed completely,
by hands that betray trust or care not for what first I think,
unrelenting insistence,
or how best I feel, distrusting his heart,
or simply the art of calculated naivety,
not giving his heart, machine like cold conduct falling apart,
oxytocin dosing, poking, choking, revealing the art,
too old to be trained a novice from start,
escape at last, escaping the past, freedom is given in part,
till with him I meet in the end we dearly depart


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