Gentle Men Love Her iii

why? why oh why? why do I have to know? why do you have to go? why do we have to be anything? why do we build symmetries? why do we have to be more than we are? why can’t we just be us and have fun to do all we want? why can’t you love me and not marry me or be hurt for feeling like you can’t have me all to yourself? why can we not share? why can’t we be near, clear and every wonderful thing between two people who care enough to not hurt one another? why do I hurt you so much yet you love me more than I can tell? why do we fit so well together and yet I am afraid of hell? why does commitment scare me back from the depths? why does sex scare me to touch and be held? why do people scare me? distrust in my peers, why do I think I am afraid? why am I overthinking the very thoughts that are displayed? why do I fail or feel I’m a slave? why do I seek validation for my ideas to be played? why do I care what others think of my decisions? why do I seek validation? why do I love avoidance? why do I love talking? why do I love the sound of my own voice except when it is recorded? why do I want to move faster than the speed of light to master every subject that reaches my mind? why do I want to be in control? why do I feel I have no control? why do I want to stay? why can’t I have you all to myself for as long as I care? why do I feel all alone? why do I feel everything I have chosen is a struggle? why do I abandon the easy? why do I like pain? why do I love to complain? why am I always seeking a problem to solve? why am I so hard on myself? why do I want to be better? why do I blame everyone but myself? why do I think everyone is insane? why do I think I am just not as smart as the geniuses I look up to and inadequate in what I know to play at that level? why am I in a hurry afraid to be slow? why am I stuck here determined to know? why do I continue to play this game? why haven’t I left this level? why am I insane? why do I feel lame? why am I afraid? why am I luke cage? why do I want to do something different? why do I want to be free? why do I want to be the business? why do I want to be independent? why do I want to fuck bitches? why am I still afraid? why am I still ashamed? why do I feel betrayed? why am I so delayed? why is ignorance my mode of operation? why the fuck am I deranged? why am I feeling insane? why oh why? why?


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